Quite frankly, I am getting aggravated by most popular articles about dating. They are not written for people by people – they are written for retards by freelancers and internet marketers fussing to build their portfolios and boost traffic to their sites. It is a tragic situation.
I don’t want to claim any absolutes. Sometimes, one can get a brilliant insight out of a completely retarded article – but not too often. Personally, I have sinned on several occasions.
There have been times when I would read about anything just to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me.
You know what I am talking about – times when you feel doomed. Times when you call a brief meeting inside your head, and the conclusion is: “That thing that you are looking for, does not exist. Sorry”.
I am one of those alpha females who grew up with boys. I looked down on girly girls and I didn’t even realize that I was pretty till my first American lover told me so.
I thought it was “expected” of guys to compliment girls. I assumed that men were captivated by my way of thinking and my smarts. The biggest compliment I remember from the time before I landed on the American soil, was:
“I like you because you are the smartest girl in class”.
That, and marriage proposals. Talk about nerdiness.
Then I discovered popular American culture fueled by Dr.Phil and looooong shelves of self-help literature at Barnes and Noble.
Actually, no, let me rewind.
My first encounter with this type of culture happened when at the age of twenty I got the urge to leave my husband – and an americanized friend of mine insisted that I should I see a therapist. I couldn’t afford a real therapist so I consulted a medical resident friend of mine who was studying to be a therapist. The result was stellar – turned out my friend had a crush on my husband; and the events that unfolded shortly thereafter, would make Woody Allen turn green with envy.
After that, I decided that my contempt for self-help was well justified.
And it would have been peachy – but then I went ahead and immigrated to the capital of self-help, and my resistance became futile. All in all, my dating life in the States has been pathetic. From day one, I have been feeling like a freak of freaks, answering questions about Russian winters and trying not to cater to the stereotypes of aging lovers of Dostoevsky. The amount of mistakes that I committed because I was feeling out of place, makes me want to crawl under the bed without a flashlight. If not for my boyfriend, I would still probably be under the bed.
But I wasn’t confused all by myself, I was cheered on in my confusion by an army of dating experts. Which brings me back to my point.
It is all lovely that some people discovered their personal truths and then decided to cash out on it – I understand, we live on Earth, and I am no different.
But there is one thing I believe in strongly. No Seven Tips can make one happy or salvage a bad relationship. Because there is nothing wrong with us.
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I could not agree more! There are no full-proof “tips” for having a perfect relationship. And there is nothing “wrong” with us. There is only one thing you need to do; answer one simple question… that’s it. I managed to find the answer to that question and to finally satisfy my unquenchable thirst for knowing if perhaps, this time I might have found THE ONE. The answer was so simple; I found it in a brief e-book, by author Hayden Dane. His advice and simple solution was mind-blowing. I am now confident that when the time is right, and THE ONE comes along; I will now be able to recognize it!
hallelujah. Relationship self help and ‘expert advice’ is the biggest racket in the universe, second only to late night real estate pyramid schemes. Actually, they’re in a dead heat.
LoveintheDumps recently posted..Dental denial
Amen!
Lena recently posted..I met my boyfriend on Craigslist!
you are just brilliant. enough said.
Thank you, love!
Hi Lena,
but I would like to say something here. I have my own theory, well, it is not mine, It’s a theory I learned doing a therapy.
I’m sorry for my basic english (with mistakes), I’m spanish
We, all the people, we have a program in our head, our mind has been programmated from the childhood, and we are looking our partner following this program.
You think you decide with who you want to share your life, but it is a half true, is your mind who decide, up his program.
The resume is that the program can be only changed by a therapy, there is not another way, and at the end all the partner we have will be more or less the same kind of person. And another thing, more the partner is similar to your father/mother, more you fall in love with him/her…
There is no lucky acting in this choices. I always heard, “Oh, what unlucky I’m, I knew the wrong person…” That’s not true, maybe you knew the wrong person, but He/She was the person your mind is looking for.
You as Lena, as an indivual person wants what all the people wants, to be loved, to have someone who is taking care of you, but finally, Lena don’t choose, is your mind, it is not the same.
By the way, you look so nice!
hugs
Jose
Jose, thank you for the compliment <3
And I promise you, there are ways to find your braver and saner self without therapy. I am sure it is one of the way, but it is certainly not the only way.
Couldn’t agree more. I’m still looking for someone that’ll take me for me though. I’ll find her some day I suppose, but what’s the saying? “Waiting is the hardest part.”
Cheers!
Zack, I believe there is somebody for everybody – it would make no sense otherwise. And I know wait = sucks.
Well not if you take coke and go to orgies (never mind, was just reading an article). But I think in the end, if you remain you, it pays off. All imho but I think so.
Hear, hear! Just because something worked for one person doesn’t mean it’s going to work for the masses. We’re all completely different people in completely different situations. Even if they’re similar, they’re different. I wrote a post on this myself!
http://singlegirlblogging.wordpress.com/2010/04/15/dating-%E2%80%9Cexperts%E2%80%9D-or-just-people-with-opinions/
Amen, sister!
P.s. Fabulous blue dress! WANT!
Thank you! Believe it or not, I got it in Chicago.
Relationships are two way streets and interactions. How can any dating tips, beyond advising one bathe, use basic courtesy, and respectful behavior, hope to understand the complex interactions between two people? Some people looking for tips lack confidence in following through on their own thoughts and actions. Some make critical mistakes in these interactions, but really, is there a one-size fits all to fix that?
We think not.
Bathe would make an excellent point in Tibet. Hindsight 20/20